i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
