my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
