I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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