the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
