I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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