Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
