I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
