You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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