just tell him i said nine months
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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