Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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