Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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