I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
