Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
