come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Randomize
