i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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