How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
