I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Come on in and take your pants off
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