Kiss
Puke
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
