So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
