the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
