You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
