ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
