I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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