Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
We don't watch enough power rangers
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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