Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
