one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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