There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you win again, gameday.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Randomize
