Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
