It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
