I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
