We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
