We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
