Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
