The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
