I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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