Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
