so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
