this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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