he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
