You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He shit in the fireplace
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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