I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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