Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
