remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
