Little spoons don't ask big questions
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
