the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
