ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
