discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
