I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
