3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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