I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
