I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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